I am the kind of girl who has to be asked. I mean, on the level of sexual experimentation. I will never say a word about what I fantasize, even not in bed. I don’t like to dirty talk. But if you ask the right thing, perhaps even when it’s not my thing at first thought, I might get convinced. But I won’t tell anyone. It is not their business. People think I am a highly successful, smart, beautiful and decent woman.
A couple of days ago, sometime in the afternoon, I gave two men a blow job (simultaneously), in a porn movie theater. One man I knew well, the other I had never met, and was way older than me – I just saw him minutes before in the porn shop.
Porn on a big screen makes me hot, and the man I know well knew that. He asked the right question. He wanted to check out this place, but I knew what the intention was. Then they fucked me (that is to say, one fucked me from behind, the other had his cock in my mouth – I was on my knees on one of the theater’s seats). Two older men where jerking off one meter away. But they weren’t allowed to participate. The unknown man was a bit younger, and had a very big cock. And that is a plus for me.
I was blindfolded during the whole act. It makes things much more kinky, I don’t know who is where, it makes the whole “slut experience” more literal. It’s about the cocks, not the faces. Afterwards, outside, again in the real world, I know I am a slut, a whore, a BJ skank. And I know I will be here again soon, and doing similar depraved acts.
You have to imagine this picture in its entirety: only two hours before, I was pleading in court.
PL: How do you feel about having to keep your off time exploits secret from your day time career? Is one more “real” than the other?
SX: Yes, my “day time career” is the real thing. The other “career” is part of my sexuality, and only the business of those who are involved in one way or another (be it as a performer, an editor, a viewer or a “client”). Most of my friends and family would not understand (although many of them dream or fantasize about doing some of that stuff themselves, without any doubt).
PL: You said it wasn’t about the faces, or the men even as people, but about their “endowments” (i.e. cocks). What do you ultimately gain from your experience, experience itself? Pleasure? Escape? Adventure? Freedom? Power? Thrills?
SX: Pleasure & thrills. Whether at a porn shoot or a sex movie theater, I want to come, and usually I do come. The excitement of these things is hard to describe – when you open your legs in front of a camera, or open your mouth for an unknown cock in utter darkness, the heart and mind are racing like crazy. And afterwards, you are relieved in so many ways. And think about the next time.
This makes me consider the slut-whore dichotomy. When you suck dicks of men you have never met before (as I sometimes do), in my case, I feel like a white trash slut, and also a whore. Probably just as well. The thought has crossed my mind to ask for some money, just to be “less cheap.” And in some sense, I would be a “slightly less cheap” slut, if you will. It would mean that “clients” would have to show some level of respect for my services through payment. And it would seem less arbitrary. But on the other hand, I would get closer to being a whore in the literal sense.
I am quite sure that being a cheap slut is worse – by the same thinking – but that it also is the part of the duality that gives the deepest sexual thrills. So for now, I am the cheapest slut available.
PL: Do you see your erotic interests as a different reality than the one you are living outside of them or perhaps as a “flip side” of the same person? That is to say, do you separate the two existences or just consider them to be part of the whole person that is Sasha? Is Sasha even a real person, or just a character you like to play?
SX: Yes – different reality, that is. Sasha is not a character, but rather a code name for someone who I become, sometimes. I am not sure she was always there, but suddenly there she was. Triggered, in fact, but that’s how it usually goes. You can’t convince me of doing certain things. But you might convince Sasha. If you can reach for her, that is.
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